We Misfits do love deliciously evil lines. Here are just a few of our favorite soul crushers.

Fuck you, that’s my name! – Glengary Glenn Ross

Everyone remembers the coffee’s for closers only line. It was brilliant and it made me want to hug Jack Lemon and tell him it’s not his fault. But the real doozy comes a little later when Ed Harris has the temerity to ask his name and he simply shouts the above line while Ed shivers completely emasculated. It was the ultimate alpha move and anyone within earshot was ready to sell water to a drowning man after hearing it.

Try not to suck any dick on your way through the parking lot! – Clerks

I cannot think of a bigger self-own than this one. I mean, if you are going to ask your girl how many dicks she’s sucked you are setting yourself up for heartache and you have nobody to blame but your damn self. If you’re going to advertise to the world that your girlfriend is amazing and generous you don’t get to be mad when ol’ boy standing outside minding his own business decides it might be worth going after her and getting to know her.

I can’t buy a pack of smokes without running into 9 guys you’ve fucked. – Boondock Saints

I mean, he wasn’t wrong. And it shut her up. Maybe the gun had something to do with it, but I’m going to go on believing it was the soul crushing words.

Now listen here you mullet, why don’t you just light your tampon and blow your box apart? Because it’s the only bang you’re ever gonna get, sweetheart. – Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

You want to shit on a cross dressing bad ass be prepared to have your soul crushed.

Maybe poker isn’t your game, Ike. I have an idea, let’s have a spelling contest! – Tombstone

Ike has just had his ass handed to him twelve times in a row, you would think he’d have quit, but no. So Doc made a reasonable suggestion that they try another contest and left his soul in a pile alongside his dwindling poker chips.

Did we forget one? Let us know your favorite soul crushing lines in the comments.

Rudy Martinez

The classic, if not cliche, trifecta of writer, former stand-up comedian, and licensed boat captain, Rudy spends most days in a library.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Joshua Kramer

    “He chose…… Poorly” -Grail Knight Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

    1. Rudy Martinez

      We here at misfits try to pretend that The Last Crusade never happened.

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